WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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