Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize