My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
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Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
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Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize