I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
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he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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