I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize