so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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