i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
