Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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