im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We talked him into tasing himself.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
