You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
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in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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