I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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