Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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