Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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