Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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