I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
And then he peed in my hair
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
