When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
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The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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