at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
