Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
