the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
this just has baby written all over it
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
