Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
