I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit