Ambien. No doubt about it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.