oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
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Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
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Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high