Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.