im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
