Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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