I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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