here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
