And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??