Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
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Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
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As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.