There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
