He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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