In the future we'll all be gay
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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