p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize