My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
