I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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