passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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