loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
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I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.