Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
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I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
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holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.