Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.