I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Wow word travels fast.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."