Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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