so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize