He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
