Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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