He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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