I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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