Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
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Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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