I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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