The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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