just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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