After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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