1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
