its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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