Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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