Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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