I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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