I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
