Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i will never coherently bang her
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
