We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
